Women's Day!!!

As Women's Day was celebrated all across the world yesterday, a few television channels held panel discussions on various topics ranging from whether or not women and men are given equal opportunity to should there be reservation for women in jobs/politics etc.?  College students and people from different walks of life shared their views on women and their rights.  

One of the issues that was highlighted in the discussion was that of chivalry.  Now one would think that on women's day chivalry shown by a man would be considered as a treat.  In this discussion however, that was not the case.  

Ironically, one woman on the panel was of the opinion that on one hand women want equal rights and on the other they expect men to show chivalrous behavior.  She further suggested that if women want equal rights they should expect no chivalry.  Some college students added to this by suggesting that now that women are equal they should pick up their own bags, buy their own meals while out with men and other insane versions of the same.  Is it so that to these people, chivalry and inequality are synonymous?  By their standards then, women who stand for equality and expect men to be chivalrous are being hypocrite.   

Now the question to these people is that does equality mean lack of chivalry?  As far as I have read, chivalry and equality are mutually exclusive. If a man opens the door for a lady, does that make her less equal to him?  If he picks her up for a date, does that mean he considers her to not be able to make it on her own?  Certainly not! These are gestures that communicate care and generosity.  They are also culturally inter-woven into the dating ritual, though now the roles earlier defined for both the sexes are inter-changing as well.

So to these women who have a different take of equality between the sexes, I ask this? If a guy takes you out on a date and he doesn't offer to pick you up or hold the door open, doesn't pay for the coffee, doesn't get you flowers, doesn't offer to drop you back and does not make the phone call, would you like to go out with him again?  I bet you wouldn't and if the answer is yes, then good for the guy because he would be thrilled to have to make no effort. However, you may not feel nice about him.  So the point is that in the context of dating, men and women do things for each other to show care, love and attention.  This does not make them unequal.  The dynamics that work between a guy and a girl while in love have to be placed in a different context altogether and need not always be woven into equality related discussions.   

There are many things that a woman does as well.  In most of the households, women are the ones who cook.  They also go out and work, but no one says, 'Wow, she is being so nurturing and generous.'  Yet when a man shows even a bit of courtesy, he wins accolades for it. Doing things for someone is an act of kindness.  

The issue of inequality comes into the picture when every human being does not have equal access to opportunities.  The idea of ensuring that people are treated equally stems from protecting them from disharmonious conditions and placing them where they have access to education, access to employment and access to other resources. These rights are not enjoyed by many people even today while we call ourselves progressive.  

In rural India, even today a woman walks miles to fetch water and yet it is the educated urban woman in her designer clothes and high heels who gets invited to speak on Television forums about equality and reservation.  And then uses this platform to proudly state that, "If we want equality, we should not expect chivalry." For real?!!

The Real Time Issues in Real Estate

Recently while anchoring a Real Estate conference, I came across several builders and investors who discussed issues pertaining to affordable housing. The term "affordable housing" seems like an oxymoron in today's times, especially when a one BHK apartment, in Mumbai, costs almost a crore, that too overlooking a gutter. 

The demand for housing is an ongoing dilemma for many.  Amidst several questions being raised, one of the things that rang a bell was the challenges people face for something so basic as a home. A home is one of our basic necessities, however with the real estate prices fluctuating every day, it would be safe to say that in today's times being a home owner is an achievement.  

Cities are expanding and untapped land in lost suburbs is being developed to accommodate the needs of the consumer.  Of course, housing in the suburbs may be much cheaper but it comes with a high price of commuting long distances everyday. 

Developers are busy acquiring land and clearances, while consumers are caught up trying to figure out how they can secure a house within their budget.  Even if the consumer is willing to shell out crores of rupees for a small apartment, there is no guarantee that the view from top will be easy on the eyes nor is there any assurance that the noise levels will allow for a peaceful stay.  

Despite the noise, the lack of view and several other issues such as water, security, sewage, easy connectivity to local transportation; the real estate market boasts of such high prices.    

In India, the concept of studio apartments is still rare.  Hence, for a young single person who is just beginning a career, that does not pose as an option.  Once a person starts a family he/she usually wishes to graduate from a one bedroom apartment to a two or three bedroom apartment, but this may not be possible because the prices are so high that affordability remains a huge constraint. 

Consumers are at unrest because of few options and major price hikes. Though we are inundated with information and our resources may be plentiful, it is still difficult to acquire space in big cities. Urbanization has citizens excited but the initial high is short-lived.  Once a person moves into a big city, he/she is highly disappointed due to these on-going housing issues. 

The debate on how the market is shaping up raises many pertinent questions, but do we have the answers?  Maybe... Maybe not...      

 

Regret Free

When I was a little girl, one of my aunts would say, "Decide in haste and repent at leisure."  Though I paid no heed to her aphorisms at the time, I now see the value of this statement.  

On a good day, I have no regrets.  However, on days when the mind decides to pay a visit to the past, it ends up churning out many little ones that do not matter now.  Although consciously I have closed down memory lane, the mind has a way to sneak back into the past looking for things, people and places for reasons unknown.  Though nothing ought to come out of such random search, wasting time on irrelevant activities is the minds way of working on certain days.

We can all relate to this. Our mind loves to play crazy games every once in a while so that it can easily manufacture unnecessary misery. Sometimes I wonder if we really like being at peace round-the-clock? The mind loves some form of drama and indulges in the not-so-pleasurable theatrics of the past.  

Though we all know that the past is to be left where it belongs, usually that becomes too much of an effort for most of us.  We tend to turn the pages backwards to re-assess our decisions.  Regret or remorse over something is usually attached to those decisions we have made in the past. 

Our decisions today become our realities tomorrow. When we choose to do something or be with someone, we make those choices based upon our judgement at that particular moment.  At the time things seem right, but at a later date, we rewind the tape and question our decisions.  That is when the entire game of regret begins.  We think we have made mistakes and that we should have decided differently.  Whether real of imaginary, mistakes are a part and parcel of life's journey. We have to accept that we will all make mistakes in our lives. Some mistakes can be rectified while others just have to be forgiven and forgotten. 

Regretting things does no good to our psyche.  Accepting that wherever we are today is where we are supposed to be, is a matter of faith.  Life usually gives us another chance to think differently and do wisely.  The past is gone, but the future remains.  We can not shy away from making decisions, but we can take some time before we make them.  Decisions that are reversible can be taken quickly but those that are irreversible have to be taken carefully with great scrutiny.  

Living amidst past memories is a sign of discontentment in the present.  So when the mind decides to let go of the past to enjoy the present, it is a decision made right.  Forgiving ourselves and others for whatever has been and focusing on what is ahead is a great recipe for being regret free.  

Spiritual Bandwagon

One of my Japanese friends, Yuri, whom I met at an Ashram in Coimbatore, happens to travel to India every year in search of “something.” Yuri’s enthusiasm and her adventurous streak are admirable. She usually stays for six months or until her visa expires and while she is here, she makes a point to visit several ashrams across the country.  At some, she is comfortable, while at others she goes through hell on earth.  

At one particular ashram in the southern part of India, she has had to clean floors, sleep without a fan, do the dishes and meditate at 4 AM.  Of course, a visit to an ashram is incomplete without meditation and spiritual practice. Though we may not think much of the effort put in by seekers, since it is an ashram and not a five star resort, we cannot ignore the fact how uncomfortable their living conditions can get. All luxuries aside, the quest to find themselves (whatever that means), seems endless amongst many spiritual seekers like Yuri. 

Each time we speak or meet, she seems restless. At the same time, there is immense appreciation for the simplest things – like a comfortable bed and fresh food.  That’s what happens when one roughs it out.   
  

One day while visiting me in Mumbai, she decided to venture into town.  She crashed into a wedding on Marine Drive and managed to get her camera stolen.  Highly disappointed, she called me and narrated the entire story.  I felt bad for her, but then we just had to live with it. Letting go is a lesson we usually learn in spiritual school but it’s a difficult lesson to follow. 

Being in a city also means dealing with life differently.  Life in the city is not like that in an ashram.  This might be the reason why all ashrams are located outside the city. I have come across several spiritually inclined tourists, who seem to manage really well while at the ashram, but as soon as they enter the city they literally lose their cool.  Compassion goes out of the window and stress seems to become their new best friend. 

My first and last visit to one of these much hyped destinations taught me quite a few lessons.  I do not remember most of them, thanks to my bad memory and the one’s I do remember leave me confused. Though most learning’s do not last a lifetime and come with an expiry date, we tend to somehow feel smarter knowing what we know for the time being.  We learn, we unlearn and then we learn again.      

Humans tend to drift towards spirituality to find something mysterious.  Single women from all parts of the world can be seen sitting at airports with a cup of tea reading Eat, Pray, Love, and exclaiming, “Oh, I am here to find myself.” Those who have lived here for years haven’t been able to reach that level of enlightenment or been able to find themselves.   Now if only mysteries would unfold so easily, seekers would cease to search further. 

Some seekers commit to spiritual schools full-time while others hop-on and off the spiritual bandwagon.  Based on their experiences they choose their path.  Who is to judge them?  After all, it takes all kinds of people to make a beautiful world.  Whether they find themselves or not, is irrelevant to the rest of humankind.  As long as they find peace, contentment and inner well-being, it is enough.                                                                         

As for Yuri, she continues her search for that “something.” She keeps traveling in her yoga gear with a bag pack and meditating (even if it is at the airport).  At least, she has learned to let go of all inhibition. Though she seems detached from the present, her past still continues to stay with her.  And as long as that happens, the search will continue.        

No Substitute for Happiness

There are a few days gifted to each one of us when everything seems right. When the weather is perfect and a good book, a hot cup of coffee, a lovely breeze easily manage to soothe the soul.  When thinking of someone brings a smile on our face and the love for life just blossoms. 

How I love those special days when the mundane turns magical, making the world seem like a better place.  I can think of many such times when inner joy reaches a different realm and there remains no substitute for happiness.  The initial brush of romance, the gentle gaze of a lover, the surprise gift outside your door, a lovely compliment from a stranger, a sudden act of kindness, a smile, a gesture of friendship - all these little things make life so magical.  I am sure you have had such days as well when you felt complete in the moment.   

Such days maybe plenty or rare

Either grounded in reality or floating here and there

When things seem boring and life seems slow

They are needed to give life a smooth flow

 

So do look for happiness in the rain

Love a little, laugh a lot and once in a while feel free to act a bit insane  

Let miracles happen to you and make 'em happen for others too

Remember to capture the moments that often woo you

When life offers precious gifts of joy camoflaged in a lovers gaze or in a child's smile

Unwrap and carry them along as for someone else you too walk that extra mile

There is no substitute for happiness

The more you have the better it gets