Hook Up Town!

Suddenly I am starting to get an impression that a lot of places are turning into Hook Up Towns. People have their own hidden agenda for dating which often times they fail to communicate directly to their dates.  Most wish to skip the process of conventional dating and take you home on the first date (not to meet their parents, of course!)  If you have been on the receiving end of such frivolous dating behavior and you are unhappy about it, it is time to walk away. 

At the risk of being politically incorrect, mostly it is the guys who wish to date in the fast lane.  There may be some women as well (I just don't know them; perhaps a man could blog about that).  No matter the gender, people who just want to hook up fast and then unhook even faster want instant results; they want to see if you comply to their requests or not? They want to know whether you will do as they say?  If you do, they are happy, if you don't they find a way to disappear on you (which is actually a blessing in disguise).   

Whatever happened to conventional dating? Whatever happened to the old world charm? The flowers, the chocolates, the endless conversations, the brush of love, the butterflies in the stomach...  I am for sure not feeling any butterflies in my stomach while out with the instant pick-me-up wannabe's. 

Has modern day dating taken a turn?  Or are people getting commitment phobic?  Or is it that they want to explore all options available and prove that they are players? 

People in the dating world have to understand that it takes time to build relationships.  Rome was not built in a day nor are relationships. Spending quality time together is important in the getting to know process.  The joy of courtship cannot be compensated with instant date n drop attitude. 

There is nothing wrong with hook ups if both parties are on the same page.  However, using deception to hook up with your date is just wrong.  So to those that want to have flings should have the guts to spell out their agenda from the get go. Your dates may walk out on you if they are seeking a serious relationship or they may agree to fling along with you.  Either ways, it saves time and disappointment for both parties.  People are not as simple or straight forward however.  In an ideal world, maybe!  In the real world, not so! 

Having said that, it is imperative to respect your date and not treat them like someone who is supposed to cater to you.  The next time you are on a date, show some friendship, show some kindness and be considerate.  If you are just out for a hook up, at least have the decency to let your date know your thoughts.  Taking someone for a ride or disappointing them with false promises are just distasteful.  

To those who wish to genuinely date someone of substance and wish to avoid future dating setbacks, I suggest it is time to get smarter, recognize the morons faster and move on.  That will save you from unnecessary wastage of time.  

         

 

What is it that Really Matters?

The other evening, while engaged in an animated conversation, a friend nonchalantly asked, "What is it that really matters in life?"  Is it money, success, career, good health or is it love, laughter, spending time pursuing our hobbies? Or is it a culmination of all these things and more?

Her question made me wonder what is it in life that really matters? Why is it that some people get so bogged down by frivolous things that don't matter all that much, while they stop pursuing what really does matter to them. 

Each individual has his/her own list of things that tops the chart. For some it could be love, happiness, joy, peace of mind and for others it could be a satisfactory occupation, comfort, money, assets, health, education or overall well being. A number of ingredients come together in creating a delicious life ... the list is endless.  

Different things drive different people.  For an insomniac a good night's rest is a blessing while for the unloved, a small hug is.  The question is, "what is important to you?  What is on your priority list now?  And what does really matter to you in this moment?  Once you know the answer, it becomes easier to pursue the relevant and discard the irrelevant. 

Energy spent on irrelevant things is energy wasted.  So if you happen to be in a spot where you feel uninspired, ask yourself, "What is it that really matters to me in this moment?"  Once you have the answer take inspired action and stop wasting energy on matters that do not serve you.  Only focus your attention to what matters the most and forget the rest. Life is unpredictable so the more good you can get out of good times, the better.    

Things Money Can't Buy!

The other day while sipping coffee at a swank new cafe, I observed a couple sitting across endlessly arguing with one another looking very upset over something quite trivial and I thought, "money can buy the best coffee at a high end cafe but can it buy harmony between lovers? Can it buy true happiness? Can it buy peace and can it buy love?"  

Some would argue that it can buy love. After all, a lot of people consider someone's financial status before they get married to them.  Many guys are heard complaining that women are gold diggers and that they look at their cars before deciding whether to date them or not.  There are other insane versions of similar accusations made by wealthy women. 

Though money can buy convenience and it may even fetch you a significant other, it cannot ensure a smooth sailing relationship. Can money buy true love? I don't think so. You may have the biggest bank balance in the world but if there are no good relationships in your life, would you be happy alone?  Probably not! 

Money can get you to buy good food but can it get you a friend to share it with?  Well, I suppose it could if the friend is really hungry :) Jokes apart, like everything else money too has a place in life.  However, it is not everything.  It can buy luxury, it can buy travel and it can even buy fake companionship but it can't buy love, it can't buy peace and it can't buy happiness. For all the latter things we need a sound mind and a good heart.  

So the next time you are at a cafe with your lover don't just buy coffee, buy into their gaze and use your heart to show some love.  Often times in matters of the heart money loses its value.       

Music and Happiness

The other evening while out for a drive with a friend who happens to be a music director, I noticed a guitar in the backseat of the car.  I looked at it in wonder and asked my very gifted friend to stop over and play something for me.  As we parked the car by the seaside I got a feeling that this would be an interesting night.  He began to sing and strum along effortlessly.  Blown away by his music I lost track of time.  Once we were done I felt soothed, relaxed, refreshed and happy.  Music, it is said, is the highest form of intelligence.  It can make you happy, it can change your mood and it can also heal. Such is the magic of music.  This is one of the finest joys offered to us and it is freely available. 

Today music is being used as therapy to cure people all across the world.  Even plants respond to music.  People with health issues get better much faster if they listen to soothing music and stay happy.  Whether we hum, sing or just listen to it, it is wonderful for the ears, for the body and mind.  So if you are feeling tensed and need some TLC tune into music or start humming a song.  You will instantly feel better.  Try and sing something which makes you happy.  If uplifting yourself is the goal you will need upbeat and happy tunes. Music will heal your mind and soothe your soul; it will help you get through a bad day and heighten your spirits.  Most importantly it will elevate your happiness.  Sing along even if you don't sound good and smile while you do it.  

Those that get to enjoy and appreciate music are blessed and those that know how to create it are even more blessed.  I am glad to have had an evening filled with such joy and an exclusive concert by the seaside.             

House Hunting, Hopping and Hoping!

Recently on my flight to Mumbai I met Gia, a girl who had moved out of a small city to pursue her dream of becoming an actress.  As the plane took off, she began narrating her story as a single girl trying to find a place in the big city.  Though she had been staying in Mumbai for over a year, she did not have a place which she could call home.  She had changed six accommodations in twelve months and was going to move to the seventh upon reaching her destination. Hopping from one place to the other with her baggage seemed to have become a normal activity. Disgruntled with the living situation in Mumbai, she complained of how difficult life can get due to lack of proper accommodation. As soon as we landed she made a call to an estate agent hoping to see a few places in the day.  Her only agenda was to pick up her stuff from her previously rented accommodation and move into a new one. Sadly there was nothing concrete in line.  
 

The irony is that this is not just one girl’s story.  Many young singles fascinated by the grandeur of life in a big city decide to make it their home only to discover that finding decent accommodation is their biggest challenge.  
 

There are several reasons as to why housing for young singles poses great dilemma.  First and foremost is the high price of real estate. Housing is an expensive phenomenon.  The term "affordable housing" seems like an oxymoron in today's times, especially when a one BHK apartment, in Mumbai, costs almost a crore, that too overlooking a gutter. Rents, even in the suburbs, are sky high and for those that struggle to make ends meet, the lack of economical housing pinches hard.
 

The options for young singles in any new city they move to are very few.  In urban India, the concept of studio apartments is still rare.  Hence, for a young single person just beginning a career, having a small place of her/his own does not pose as an alternative.  The lack of decent affordable housing in safe and well developed areas leaves singles with no choice other than making a home in dingy congested places.   
The best option is to buy an apartment.  However, this is not easy unless one is bestowed with ancestral wealth or has luckily hit the jackpot. 
 

A popular pick among singles is to stay in someone else’s house/flat as a paying guest. This is not as appealing because it comes with several restrictions mostly put by the landlord.  After a thorough interrogation on your work and lifestyle, you may get to stay as a paying guest.  Count your blessings if you work nine to five in a bank or school.  If you happen to be one of those odd ones to work in Media, then you’d be better off investing in a minivan that is big enough to put a sleeping bag in, rather than deal with unnecessary disrespect. Most landlords are more petrified of people working in the media than they are of the mafia. As soon as they hear the word media they shut all doors of communication and their homes.  Don’t be surprised if the landlord pulls out a weird list of do’s and don’ts.  For reasons best known to them, some only let women stay in their homes while others fear renting to a single woman.  Even single men have a tough time renting a place.  So despite all things, there is also a gender bias floating around in the house hunting scenario. If you are lucky and someone lets you stay as a paying guest, the landlord will turn watch guard scrutinizing your every move.  Such minute scrutiny can be quite taxing and may inspire a quick exit.
 

Many singles then opt for renting an apartment. This involves high monthly rentals, lease agreements, renewing the lease every eleven months and paying high deposits to safeguard the interest of the landlord.  For the thick skinned too it gets harrowing having to deal with all sorts of people living in the society, untrained security guards and neighboring critics.  With so many eyes on you, they constantly watch what you wear, what time you return and with whom?  If the landlord happens to stay in the same building, life gets tougher. If one gets lucky and skips the criticism of the landlord, they are truly fortunate and rare to come across.
 

So what does a young single person do to live peacefully in a city? What can landlords do to ensure a pleasant stay for the tenant?  After all, this is business for the landlord and tenants are adding value to their finances.  While these questions linger in our minds and this tug of war continues, every day young singles, like Gia, move to cities to make a career, to explore new horizons and to make a new home.  They hunt for houses; they hop from one place to the next and hope that someday they will be able to find themselves a place they can call home.