Dating -- Love in small dozes !!!

The other day, I met up a friend over coffee. Right after we exchanged pleasantries, a grand declaration followed, "I have decided to just date, have fun and not get seriously involved with anyone!"

Was this a way of safeguarding his non-committal tendencies or was he genuinely shying away from a long-term relationship, I thought?  Although such a statement is certainly not a deal breaker, women often become guarded when they hear stuff like this. 

Perhaps for some men, it is important to let women know that they are not up for any kind of commitment.  This is of course on the basis of an assumption that the woman wants commitment from them.  Having said that, these guys deserve the benefit of doubt.  After all, it is better to be honest from the beginning rather than keep others wondering. 

While love happens on its own, dating and relationships only happen when one deliberately chooses them. Most singles love to date but they are oblivious to communicating their true desires to their chosen partners.  The result is seen in the form of mixed signals.

For some singles life is so busy that they prefer occasional dating over a commited relationship.  While time could be a constraint, it is mostly the unwillingness to be consistently involved with one person that keeps them away from a relationship. 


Some like to be with a significant other and some like to be with others who are not so significant.  With so many options around, the fear of being committed to one person keeps lingering in the minds of many.  For reasons best known to them, a lot of people may prefer casual dating over a serious relationship.  Although it is a personal choice, what's intriguing to observe is that eventually mostly everyone wants an ideal partner... the happily ever after.  Then what is it that comes in the way of getting it?  

Is it the fear of commitment? Is it not being certain of what we really want in a partner? Is it the past baggage that we tirelessly carry around? Or is it the fear of losing out on the imaginary dates over a real relationship?!  For all those who suffer from "the grass is greener" syndrome, there isn't much hope for a consistent relationship. 

The need for freedom also plays a role in deciding what one leans toward. Often commitment phobia persists in the mind even after one gets a strong urge to be with someone.  The tug of war between the heart and the mind continues... whether it serves a purpose or not, no one knows.   

Having said that, no one can undermine the joy that love offers.  If every date is not viewed as an audition for a life partner, then a nice friendship can evolve from it.  Honest communication and mature thinking are key and can help avoid misunderstandings between partners. Someone aptly quoted, "Don’t say you love me unless you really mean it, because I might do something crazy, like believe it."

Whether it is one date or relationship of a lifetime, it should be valued and truly enjoyed.   Author Stacie Cunningham says, “Love is like a piece of art work, even the smallest bit can be so beautiful.”   Some like to enjoy consistent relationships while others are okay with occassional bouts of romance.  Love is amazing... even in small doses, it can do wonders for the heart. 

In Pursuit of Becoming a Television Anchor

As the cell phone rings, Anya quickly answers it without skipping a heartbeat. She immediately takes a pen and starts jotting down an address where she must meet this guy. No, it is not a date that gets her so pepped up, it is the casting call that she has been waiting for since she stepped foot in the city. The caller is a coordinator who has shortlisted Anya’s portfolio for an anchoring assignment.

As she enters her first audition, Anya is surprised to see the number of people who have also turned up for the part. She quickly writes her name on the cue sheet, finds a chair and starts observing people amidst the disorganization. Most of them are well groomed and seem confident, while some lack the x-factor. The wait is long and getting up to face the casting director could take a while. Nonetheless, everyone gets a shot in front of the camera. Who will be the individual to get the job? No one knows…

Often, caked-up hopeful faces in long audition lines question the illusion of glitz and glamour in media. What once seemed like an attractive fantasy now appears all too complicated. In the quest to outdo others who happen to be in the same boat, one begins to wonder how the elaborate dream of being on television can be realized. Often fantasy and reality are poles apart and the paradox can be appalling.

Usually before stepping into the world of television anchoring, one does not know what to expect. Several erroneous perceptions and myths dominate the mind. Some think that having a degree in journalism will secure them a job, while others assume an attractive physical appearance would do the trick. The assumptions vary.

The reel-dreams that precede real-time success demand a lot more than simply good looks. Effective communication skills, a good command on language, consistent high quality work, commitment, diligence, destiny and unwavering faith are some ingredients that create possibilities. Contrary to popular belief that being an anchor is easy, it is often seen that performers go through a myriad of phases… from having butterflies in the stomach, difficulty memorizing scripts and unruly nerves to being camera friendly, smooth and sometimes even over-confident.

Being a good anchor has several elements. Though it is mainly about artistic yet effortless performance in front of the camera, visual appeal, effective communication, subject knowledge, program content, clarity of speech, wit and a pleasant personality significantly matter. Hence, weaving all these elements together is imperative in striking a chord with the viewer.

Many a times, television channels and their presenters operate on the imitation module. Whenever someone does a new thing, others follow suit. In this case, imitation is not the best form of flattery; instead it reflects lack of creativity. The joy then lies in discovering one’s own style as a presenter rather than cloning someone else’s. Flaws and rectifications, trials and errors, are all part and parcel of the job. For a television presenter, versatility is a virtue. Being able to host diverse shows of dissimilar genres takes skill.

Success is a process. Although getting significant work as a television anchor may take time and effort, it all seems worthwhile when wishes come true even in small doses. Passion for the job, the right attitude, positive work ethic, strong screen presence, professionalism and a desire to evolve can create on-screen magic.

Once the foray in the world of television begins, a bitter-sweet experience unfolds. Becoming a television anchor is not easy. Apart from other things, it requires patience, hard work and a positive mind set. With the correct blend of ingredients, immense possibilities can be tapped.

After all, it is an extra-ordinary ability to turn dreams into reality. The transition from aspiring to becoming feels so good that eventually memories of waiting in those long audition lines fade away.

The Joy of Endings...

If you want to fill the cup with fresh water, you need to empty it first, advised a friend.  While I intently listened and was even inspired by this zen philosophy for a fraction of seconds, the thought of endings wasn't very comforting.   

I had been hosting a fantastic television show and it was about to end. Though everyone working on the show was mentally prepared for it, there was a slight hesitation to step out of what had become the "comfort zone." This not only meant looking for new work, it also meant not going to the same place everyday (which sounds quite refreshing in theory), and it also meant making new decisions.

I knew I had to do other things and the show was ending exactly when it was supposed to.  So after making a gracious exit I realized that letting go was not as easy as I had imagined.  All of a sudden, there was so much free time to do whatever I wished, yet the disenchantment of something missing played on my mind.  It felt as if something had been left behind... 

Since playing the blues out loud is not my thing, I made a deliberate attempt to move on.  I was aware that all beginnings eventually have an end yet the transition wasn't all that fun.  Afterall, this is what happens between endings and new beginnings. No matter how much knowledge we have, some processes take their own course. 

Change is inevitable and probably the only consistent thing in our lives.  Once we accept this, the transition becomes easier.  Instead of having remorse over why something good ended, we could rejoice that we were blessed to experience all that good in the first place.  

An end is what precedes a brand new beginning. Perhaps the transition is mildly uncomfortable, however its just a matter of time. Ending things gracefully  is key to allowing new beginnings to unfold.      

RESET

Have you ever woken up feeling grumpy, tired or irritated? You drag yourself out of bed and stomp your toe... you curse your stars... spill the coffee and then you're running late for work... Whew, what a morning! By now, you are mad at destiny, the dog, the world and whoever comes in your view. One bad thing leads to another and you hear yourself saying, "I should have stayed in bed!"

We have all tried the 'stay in bed' technique but it hardly works. So how do we turn the grumpiness into gratitude? There is an easy way of shifting our energies. We can deliberately Reset. In an instant, we can reset our mood, perception and the vibrations we send out to the world. The process of re-setting energies is possible by changing two things: Our thoughts and the words we use. Canadian author, Michael Losier says that words create thoughts and thoughts create vibrations... either negative or positive. Its important to know that we can only send out one vibration at a time - positive or negative. If we want positive results, we need to have positive vibrations. So by changing the words we use, we change our thoughts and eventually we change the vibrations.

Let's test this theory. Since words are powerful tools that instigate thought, we need to be aware of the words we use day to day. We can now deliberately use words which will align our thoughts in a positive direction. If we try this simple technique for a few days we might be pleasantly surprised! Whenever something good happens and we talk about it, focus on it, celebrate it, we align our energies towards happier events. The same rule applies for negative things. So the trick is to not observe the negative for too long. If a negative thought visits the mind, quickly reset it with a positive thought. Let not one little unpleasant thing change the course of the entire day. Quickly switch the channel from negative to positive and move on. Diverting your mind by thinking of a wonderful event or person, listening to your favourite music or being thankful for whatever you have can make a big difference to your mood. So make the shift, reset and add some happiness to your day to make it more delicious!!

(DISCLAIMER: Some people love Grumpy for no other reason than the fact that over the years it has become their best friend. This write up is not for Grump Lovers who just refuse to let Grumpy go... its for those who wish to try and genuinely transform their energies).

Being a Capricorn is not easy. In college, my roommate Sonja, her black cat (our unofficial roommate, who thankfully ran away on its own and saved us the bad karma of having to let her go) and I, had a big poster outside our room that read, Capricorns are ambitious... but not till noon! Having had first-hand experience in being a mountain goat, I am well aware of how the over-ambition, the desire to do big things and a strong mind can drive us (and others) crazy. Then comes the paradox... the laziness, the procrastination, the sensitivity... and the list goes on.

So to ensure my own sanity and that of others, after a few years of trial and error, I decided to tone down the ambition, let go of the endless desires and become more relaxed. This went on for a while and turned the ambition into calmness (laziness would be more apt). I heard mostly from philanthropists to "just be" (it must have been the God channel at 4 AM after getting home from partying). That seemed like a great tag-line for Calvin Kline, but for humans what does it mean to "Just Be"? Does it mean, that we do nothing and just be? Or just be while we do what we gotta do?

I was on a yoga trail interpreting (rather mis-interpreting) philosophies and they seemed quite twisted. The more I practiced yoga and travelled in the quest of spirituality, the more I wanted to do in life. The more breaks I took to get away, the more I wanted to get back. Then one morning (no, I did not have an epiphany. Though it would have sound more interesting and mysterious to have an Aha moment, but that didn't happen) I felt very strongly about doing all those things that I dreamt of. I did not care about the outcome, all I cared about was whether or not I was taking appropriate action. I did not want to know what the point is, or if there is any. At yoga school, we were asked, whether we want to be part-time or full-time human beings?!! Sidelining desires or suppressing them, isn't the answer. Being over-ambitious and running after things isn't the answer either. So what is the answer? It is for each one of us to find out for ourselves. And while we do that, its important to express, to love and to live fully.